Parenting Goals

So one of my resolutions was to become a better mother.  Now I don't think I'm some awful mom by any means, but I do think we all always have room for improvement.  We have always wanted to use positive discipline with our kids, which we did for a very long time.  Then Hayden became a toddler and things have been...HARD, to say the least.  He is very tough to deal with most of the time, very stressful.  I don't mean to make him sound like some awful kid, he's very loving, funny and sweet but then he is very trying too.  And from the constant stress of him doing things he shouldn't be NONSTOP...it seriously goes on from the second his feet hit the floor until we finally fight him into his bed...we have really gone off the path we wanted for our kids.  We have been yelling way more than I'd like..which what I'd like is not at all.  Which in turn the kids have started yelling at each other...a lot.  And treating each other badly and I really feel it's because of us being so stressed and reacting poorly.  So this year both Mark and I want to change that, we want to get back to parenting in the way we feel is best, it's going to be hard with the constant stress but we CAN do this and HAVE to.  

So this week on facebook I started making goals for myself.  I really liked putting it on there, it made me feel more accountable, like everyone else knew what I put so I had to follow through.  But then I feel like I can't really explain enough on there so I'm moving them here.  I don't think that I will be able to continue to think of a new goal, that is actually something we really should work on, daily.  And some things will take more than one day to work on and put in place.  So instead I'm going to start setting weekly goals and will post about it here.

The goals I had put on Facebook so far were:

~Be positive. No matter what happens, deal with it in a positive way. Don't let any misbehavior get to me, it has nothing to do with me, it's not to annoy me. Model the way I want the boys to react to each other when they are getting on each other's nerves.

~ Listen. Truly listen, not just smile and nod or go about what I was already doing and half listening. When they talk focus on really stopping and listening because how can I expect to fully listen to me if I don't for them?

The reason for that one is that is a lot of the time I will keep cleaning, watching tv, playing on the computer, dealing with another one of them...whatever it is that I'm doing.  Then they talk to me and I'm more just nodding along with what they are saying, not truly listening to them. I hear them but I'm not paying attention the way I should be.  And how can I expect them to listen to me if I only half ass listen to them sometimes.

~Goal for the weekend...not to raise my voice at all. Remember to really listen, not halfway listen, stop whatever I'm doing and really listen to them. Remember to be positive. And something from a book I'm reading. I'm not responsible FOR my kids, I'm responsible TO them. The only person I'm really in control of is myself, I can only control my reactions to things, not theirs. Modeling to them how to react and deal with things it the best thing for them to learn. And there has been way too much yelling in this house lately, from us and especially them to each other. No more :) Oh and help Mark with these things too :)

So I'm reading this awesome parenting book that I really think all parents should read.  It's called ScreamFree Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel.  It's not just about how to stop yelling but how to stop reacting.  Whether you react with yelling, threats, spanking, withdrawing, whatever it may be.  It talks about shifting the focus from your kids to yourself.  That you are not responsible FOR your kids but you are responsible TO your kids.  You are responsible to them in how you react and treat them.  I'm about 3/4 of the way done and agree with everything in it so far.  Which says a lot.  After 4 kids I don't think I have ever read an entire parenting book, I read some then see how I don't agree with parts and will skim through.  But this book is different, I really think everyone should read it.  I think it's exactly how I want to be with the kids, and I know Mark does too but we just need a push, examples and help getting there.  Mark doesn't read but I think it's so important that we do this together that tonight I started reading the book TO him lol.  Now he CAN read, he just hates to and I know he wouldn't really take it in if he was reading it himself and he'd probably just fall asleep lol.  So we decided that each night I'll read a chapter until we get through it.  I'm really glad he is willing to do whatever it takes :)

So our goals for this week are to REALLY work on the ones from last week, make sure to read every night and start shifting the focus to ourselves.  Another one is giving the boys their space and respecting it.  Which is another part of the book.  He says you can't give your kids their space, whether that is their room or whatever, and then try and rule it.  It is their space and they should be in charge of it.  We should respect it.  Now the boys don't mind us walking in their room anytime but we want to start knocking and making sure we have permission to come in, allowing them to be in charge of their space and take responsibility for it.  Sounds easier than it really is to relinquish the control.  If they don't want to clean it we can't say anything about it, now we can say we don't want to go in there, but don't judge and don't tell them what to do about it.  

So wish us luck!

Things to accomplish in 2012

So I decided to make a list of things I'd like to do this year.  Some of them are just little things, parenting things, around the house things and then some are bigger.  It'll be interesting to see how many we actually accomplish :)

• Find time to take the boys to the park a minimum of 2x a month
• Buy the above rules and follow them :)
• Have at least one play date a month, aside from our mommy meetups
• Finally print some pictures and hang them on our walls!
• Get a new family portrait and hang it on the wall too!
• Stop yelling, or at least ALMOST stop ;)
• Write in the boys "I Like" books EVERY night!
• Keep up with this blog more
• Figure out a way to curb the boys tattling
• Figure out a way to calm down the sibling rivalry between the 3 big boys
• Make date night with Mark a priority, once a month
• Try and get out with other families more
• Go on our first family vacation this summer, even if it's just something small
• Cook a homemade meal at least 5 nights a week
• Focus more on the boys eating, we've been slacking lately and we need to get back to more healthy eating.
• Try to start going to by midnight
• Keep at cloth full time (we have been back to 100% cloth now for a few weeks)
• Start going to the library again at least 2x a month with the kids
• Complete all of "My Plans" I have started in my Bible app
• Be better about staying on top of housework

I'll probably add to this more over the next week or 2...wish me luck!

7 months old!!!

Today PBJ, or P $ as his Aunt Dessa calls him, is 7 months old!!!  

His first year is going WAY too fast for my liking.  We don't know yet 100% if he's our last but I think he probably is so seeing everything go by so fast makes me really sad :(  

He is starting to really develop his personality.  He is very laid back, a total sweetheart he loves to give kisses and he's very quiet but always happy.  He reminds me a lot of Casen as a baby, he seems to just sit back and watch everything, just taking it in, learning.  He isn't in a hurry to get around, he's perfectly content to just stay put.  

This month we took his infant insert out of his car seat, he's finally big enough to sit without it!  He looks so small in his seat now.  He is now 16lbs 11oz which puts him about the 18th% so he has dropped quite a bit over the past month or 2.  I'm not sure how tall he is but he has a dr appt on the 9th so we'll find out then.  He's so much smaller than the other boys were at this age....Casen was 18lbs 10oz at 7mo, Hayden was 19lbs 8oz and Landon at 7.5mo was 21lbs 8oz (fatty!!! haha).  He has really slowed down and he isn't even mobile yet, the other boys didn't start thinning out like this until they got mobile.  I wonder if he's going to be tiny like Hayden was as a toddler?   Guess we'll see.  He is eating well, nursing great and seems content so I'm not worried.  

He has made a big change over the past 2 weeks with solids.  He absolutely LOVES to eat now!!!!  He especially likes table foods but he's a big fan of purees now too.  He is now having 2 meals a day with another of just table foods which he doesn't really eat a whole lot of, mostly just chews on.  The pic above was his first real table food, he went to lunch with Mark and I and we gave him a tortilla rolled up, he loved it...it was gross when he was done with it lol.  His favorite thing seems to be mango, anything that has mango in it he eats tons of it.  I'm going to get some fresh mango (if it's in season?  Don't think it is actually) and see how he likes that too.  Maybe I can find it frozen?  I'll have to see...

He had blueberry pancakes with the boys the other morning

He tried pasta too which was a big hit too

He is taking a sippy cup now...well he likes it, he plays with it but doesn't really drink anything out of it yet.  We only offer water

He's sitting up pretty well now, doesn't fall too much anymore.  He does still lean a lot but he does hold himself up and can sit straight up for short periods of time.  He isn't trying to crawl yet but can arch his back up and push off his feet to scoot across his back.  But he does that when he's mad, not in an attempt to go anywhere.  Like I said, he isn't really interested in going anywhere yet.  He will see his developmental pediatrician in Feb and they wanted him sitting really well on his own for long periods of time, putting himself into a sitting position and then also going from sitting to a crawling position...he's nowhere near that but he does have a little over a month still.  If he isn't doing those things he'll probably start physical therapy.  

Separation anxiety has also started this month, he is big time attached to mommy.  In the pic above Mark was trying to give me a break and Preston knew I was behind him so that's his attempt to get to me lol.  He wants me all the time, which for the most part is ok but it can be a challenge sometimes because I have 3 other kids to tend to as well, but we are making do :)  

He is sleeping pretty well most nights.  He's now down to nursing 6-7 (sometimes 8) times in a day.  He does still wake 2-3x in the night to nurse but he's getting better and he naps really well during the day.  Usually 3 naps a day and each one 1.5-3hrs long.  So he's getting quite a bit of sleep.  He goes down to bed in his crib for naps and bedtime with no fuss most of the time.  If he's been with Mark and the boys or playing on his own right before naptime he sometimes gets upset...but if he has been cuddling with me he'll go right down no problem.  

I think that's it :)  I forgot to get his 7mo pics today but I'll do them tomorrow after church!

End of another year

As 2011 comes to an end I look back on all the things that happened this year, it has been one hell of a year but we survived and are a stronger family because of it.  So while some of it was hard, we made it through, and I wouldn't change any of it because it changed us for the better.

A few highlights, or the biggest highlight our little man Preston Blake being born in May <3  He will be 7mo old tomorrow!

  The end of his pregnancy was awful, his birth was nothing like I planned and after his birth was my worst fears come true.  But he is a strong baby, he is a fighter and he proved that to us and all of the doctors.  It gave me a whole new perspective on birth, parenting and what other NICU mommies have to go through.  I always felt for them, but until you've been through it you just can't understand the roller coaster that is the NICU.  It made Mark and I's relationship stronger and it definitely makes us treasure EVERY second with Preston, all 4 of them, even more.  We don't take for granted that we can just get pregnant easily (thankfully) and have healthy babies, it can happen to anyone and we are very lucky to have Preston and we won't forget that.  

This year also changed some relationships for all of us.  I have moved on, I have forgiven but I will never forget the words that were said and it has forever changed those relationships.   Always remember you can never take back the words you say, choose your words wisely.

Another relationship was changed, but for the better.  Dessa and I over this past year have become incredibly close.  I don't know how I went "without" her for so many years.  We weren't that close for awhile but over the past couple years, this year especially though, we have become very close.  And this year brought a very wanted pregnancy for her and Chris, a baby they've tried for for so long!  He will be here any day now and I can't wait to meet my first nephew <3

This year has also brought us closer to God in many ways.  We are attending church on a regular basis for the first time in our entire relationship.  We joined a small group, Landon went to summer camp with church and they have become involved with the kids side of church.  We love the church we have found and can't wait to grow more with them.  At times I wish we had done this sooner but I don't think we were ready before now, this is the perfect time in life for us, it's right and will only get better.

This year Hayden also started school for the first time!  

Casen started 1st grade!

And Landon started 3rd grade!

Our favorite kiwi came to visit from New Zealand!!!  That was definitely a huge highlight from this year!  It was a great visit, it was like we had known each other forever not like we had never met in person before.  Really hoping she gets to come back sometime next year and maybe one year we will finally make it over to NZ

 Some of my new year's resolutions:

To be a better mom..definitely my number 1.

To do more with the kids.

Lose weight...doesn't everyone have that one?

Hoping for more positives in 2012!  2012 will be mine and Mark's 10yr anniversary!!  

Elfis!!!!

Christmas has gone now but I wanted to show everything Elfis...our Elf on a Shelf....did this year!  Figured putting it all in one blog post would be better than updating with a new one each night.  

We didn't get him until the 3rd so that's when we started

This is where the boys decided to put him the first night.  We told them after the first night he would have Christmas magic from Santa and couldn't be touched by kids.  We did that so that we wouldn't be searching for him each night or have them fighting over him.  Hayden touched him after the first night and I said that I'd have to talk with Santa and see if he'd give us one more chance, luckily he did...none of them touched him again!  I really didn't think it'd work haha

Night of Dec 3rd, he toilet papered the tree!

Night of Dec 4th

Night of Dec 5th...he dusted the fan and then took a ride

Night of Dec 6th...making snow angels in some flour

Night of Dec 7th...drinking syrup

Night of Dec 8th..he hid the angel and got on top of the tree instead

Night of Dec 9th...he started putting a puzzle together

Night of Dec 10th...he tried to sell the baby!

Night of Dec 11th....driving the warthog around with one of the guys from Halo

Night of Dec 12th...dyed the milk green!

Night of Dec 13th...playing with legos

Night of Dec 14th...eating chocolate chips, had hershey's kisses wrappers all around him and a cup of hot cocoa

Night of Dec 15th...he made the boys some muffins for breakfast

The 16th and 17th the boys stayed the night with Grandma, when they came home on the 18th this is how they found him

Night of Dec 18th...he had this note by him, he had drawn on their faces while they slept. I  didn't get a pic of their faces because all 4 of them weren't feeling well that day and I just didn't even think about taking a pic of them until the afternoon and by then they had rubbed most of it off

Night of Dec 19th...dancing under the tree with the angel, Christmas music was playing too

Night of Dec 20th...resting up for a big night ahead..sleeping on Hayden's napmat for school

Night of Dec 21st...other toys have had enough of his mischief and tied him up!

Night of Dec 22nd...he colored a picture (in only Christmas colors and left them another note)

Night of Dec 23rd....he took a present from Santa's workshop early!  Hopefully Santa didn't mind!!

On the night of Dec 24th when Santa came he left with him.  The boys have been really sad, they miss him.  It was so much fun, I can't wait for next year.  Better start planning now, have a lot to live up to lol

What was your favorite thing he did?

Polaris Outlaw Quad Giveaway!

Awesome giveaway going on over at In The Know Mom!!!  She is giving one reader one of these awesome Polaris Outlaw Quads from Peg Perego!!  This is probably one of the best giveaways I've seen!!!

Winner gets to choose from the red above or this pink

You have until Dec 22nd at midnight  PST to enter!!  Good luck everyone!! Here is the link to the actual blog entry to enter

 http://intheknowmom.net/?p=16548

He's been home for 6mo

I feel like every month we have 2 milestones to celebrate...Preston's birth and then the day he was able to come home from the hospital.  Six months ago today, we brought him home <3  So tonight I'm watching his slideshow of all the pics from his birth and NICU stay.  It's so hard to watch, the emotions are still so raw.  It certainly doesn't feel like 6mo.  Even though we have a healthy (for the most part) baby home with us now it's still so hard to think back to that time.  In 6mo he has been through so much, he has proven he is a fighter and one strong little man.  Despite it all he is such an amazing, happy, sweet, smart and loving little baby.  We feel so incredibly blessed every single day to have him with us.  I can't wait to celebrate his first Christmas with him.  He is one loved little baby.  His brothers still dote over him all the time, I thought the "new" would wear off after awhile and he'd be kinda boring to them until he could really play with them, but no, not at all.  Every day they fight over who gets to hold them.  Each of them has their own special time with him everyday.  

Hayden likes to play with him while he's in his swing or jumperoo.  He talks to him so sweetly, makes him laugh and has so much patience for him.  Casen likes to carry him off to the other room and they will watch tv together or he'll lay him on the floor and talk to him, rock him, cuddle with him...he is just so sweet.  And Landon, Landon is just an all around amazing big brother.  He is so nurturing, he will always help with him if I'm trying to do something and Preston needs attention.  He takes him off for their special time each day too and just plays with him.  Preston adores them all, he gives them kisses and hugs and loves when they carry him around.  

Preston is really starting to develop a personality.  He reminds me a lot of Casen, he seems to sit back and soak things in, he isn't in a rush to get moving.  He seems so smart, he learned very early how to give kisses, you just ask and he leans right in to give you a kiss.  He has known his name for quite some time too.  We have started signing with him, I think he'll pick it up really quickly.  He is sitting on his own pretty well now, he does lean quite a bit but is getting better and more stable each day.  

We all love that baby SO much!!

I've shared the video before but I want to share again <3  I think one reason it's so hard to watch is because behind all of the tubes I can see Preston in each one of those pictures.  Most babies change so much from newborn through those first few months that they really dont' even look the same, but he does.  It totally looks like he does now so it makes me even more sad to see that face I look at everyday laying there with all those tubes and bruises :(