Another good day but somehow feeling disappointed

So I really can't complain, Preston is doing great, but for some reason I'm just feeling blah about today.

I got up this morning and realized I had missed my 4am alarm, either it wasn't set which I'm 99% sure I set it or I turned it off while half asleep and don't even remember it.  Either way I went almost 8hrs between pumping last night...go up and pumped almost 10oz...wow!  That was about 8am, managed to go back to sleep for an hour and a half and then got up to get me and Hayden ready for an appt.  It was supposed to start at 10:30 so we get there and it takes forever.  We didn't get home until 12:30 and it was right down the street.  Because of that I was an hour late pumping again...so it had been 4hrs.  Came in and pumped right away and as soon as I was done Mark got here to head up to the hospital.  Did find out at my appt though that I've lost 5 more pounds since Monday so now I'm at 17lbs below my pre pregnancy weight.  Oh yeah and at the appt there was another baby there born the day before Preston, 37wks too and born at 6lbs....glad that baby is ok of course, but did make me really sad that my baby has to still be in the NICU

We were really hoping to get there and see the canula off but he still has it, but he's doing really well and they hope that maybe tomorrow that can go away.  He is breathing really fast though so no feedings today :(  Well he is getting his tube feedings still....36ml....but not able to nipple feed yet because of how fast he's breathing.  They hope that tomorrow they will be able to but I also found out that he has to start on a bottle and I can't do his first feeding the occupational therapist has to do it. *cry*  But the nurse did call them and set up a time so that way I can at least be there to see it...so we are doing that at 1:30 as long as between now and then he regulates his breathing and slows it down to under 60 breaths per min. Sometimes he's hitting over 100.  His bed has been turned off and he's regulating his temp just fine so hopefully he'll move into an open crib tomorrow as well.  The poor baby though is telling them constantly he WANTS to nipple feed.  He has been grumpy all day she said.  I got to hold him for an hour and he slept most of that but at the end it was getting to about 45min to feeding "time" (which BTW I HATE schedules for newborns, they don't tell time, they eat when their body tells them...well not in the NICU if the clock doesn't say it's time they wait, not matter how hungry they show they are or how much they cry....that kills both me and Mark)  He was going crazy sucking on his paci and it wasn't giving him what he wanted so he'd get really upset.  I went to go pump and Mark held him and he was able to keep him calm most of the time but when I came back in he got really upset..it was about 30min til feeding time.  So Mark gave him back to me and he cried on and off until I got him comfy on my chest and he finally calmed down but you could tell he was just so hungry...hated that I could have "fixed" his problem but I'm not allowed.  :(  So when he finally got his feeding we left so we could make it back for Casen's game.

Got home and sat down for all of 3min and had to leave for the game.  I was hoping to stay home and take a nap but Casen really wanted just me and Mark to go with him...got really upset that Hayden was going even and we always go places as a family, never leave certain kids behind but have been doing it a bit lately with Steph here...like Landon didn't want to go to the game today.  Poor kids are having a really hard time with us being away so much.  We sat out in the heat watching his game which he won, yay!!!!  They have their final tournament game tomorrow to see who gets 1st and 2nd place.  Go Orioles!!!!!!

We got home and again I was an hour late pumping.  Tonight I only got 6.5oz which lately I've been getting 7-8...really hoping today's off day hasn't screwed things up.

But yeah, just a crazy day and left feeling really down for some reason.  Hoping things go better tomorrow and he is able to eat, going to have to go to the hospital alone again though :(

Pics to come later....